I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Houston, we have a blender
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
