When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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