i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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