I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
