I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
