i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
