you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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