Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
birth control should be required to get into college
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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