wrigley field is MILF paradise
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
