there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
