I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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