just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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