I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was like his penis was on wheels.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
