The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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