my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
