I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did I show you my penis last night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
