if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
