I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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