Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
