i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize