Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
