i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
