Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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