If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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