You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
