so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
