We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
