i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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