new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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