Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
