We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
