The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
