So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
