Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
