went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
