so that wasnt chicken after all
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize