Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize