I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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