Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
