dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
