it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
