Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
