Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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