Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize