Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
