I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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