I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
