You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need a beard to bite.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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