dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
