its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
