he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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