First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
