Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We left the knife in your bed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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