I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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