Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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