apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
