If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
