Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
