belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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