Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
