im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
