the condom got lost in my hair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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