I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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