We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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