She is in my trunk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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