whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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