I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
