I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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