having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
