She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
