This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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