The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
